Under the Greydar: A Catcher That Doesn’t Catch
Ranking catchers is dumb. There are four or so that matter and then the rest are practically the same. Seriously, there are only four catchers from last year that met the minimum plate appearances to...
View ArticleRangers Grab Some Brews, Fail To Catch Any Rays
When Jonathan Lucroy vetoed the trade to the Indians this past weekend, I thought we were going to find out Lucroy was Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy. Other teams were going to try and convert him...
View ArticleNapoli Is En Firenze
Mike Napoli hit his 27th homer yesterday. He now has five straight games with a home run. On the year, he is top 30 for fantasy value on our Player Rater. Dude is such butter right now brioche buns...
View ArticleDraftKings: Yu Want to Win, Put Darvish In
Yu Darvish likes to throw strikeouts, and I like to put him in my lineups. Darvish also likes pitching at the Rangers ballpark. When pitching at home in his career, Darvish has held hitters to a .279...
View ArticleEverything Musgrove!
Joe Musgrove shut down the mighty Toronto Blue Jays for the second time, going seven strong innings, allowing just six hits, two runs, a walk and striking out seven for his first major league win. He...
View ArticleDraftKings: Royally Screwed
As a Mariners fan, it's very rare I have much of any empathy for other teams and their fans, especially teams that just came off winning a World Series. And yet, here I am looking at the sad state of...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: A Bronx Tale
Over the past few seasons, the blueprint for the New York Yankees franchise has been a predictable one: assemble an aging, overpriced roster, finish a few games over .500, rinse, repeat. Reload rather...
View ArticleBrave Or Chicken? Swanson’s Both!
True or false: A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight's caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he'd put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption,...
View ArticleDrakftKings: C-Yu-Later-Arriegator
I know the lede may scream Millennial, but I wasn’t born in the 90’s, my cursive writing is on point and I don’t wear a beanie in 95 degree weather. I never use shorthand when texting or emailing, but...
View ArticleKKKKKKKKKKKKKwik-C-Mart
To paraphrase Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, "America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, Josh Tomlin in away games, Justin Upton, Melvin Upton for the last two months, Clint Hurdle, the people...
View ArticleDraftKings: Dr. Drew Is Coming Back To Cali To Carve Up The Padres
Happy Labor Day DKer's! Hopefully most of you got to sleep in today and if you didn't you should have, because I'll only be featuring the late games due to scheduling conflicts. The Early Bird usually...
View ArticleDraftKings: The Full Montgomery
Before Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL - and before you ask, yes there was such a time...and why do you demarcate things around such a movie? God, you're weird - there was The Full Monty. The Full Monty...
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DraftKings: Say B@#$% Be Kuhl!
Is there anything cooler than Samuel L. Jackson cursing? I mean seriously, I think even my Grandma would remark 'he's so sweet' after watching this MF'ing montage (ummm, and I shouldn't have to say...
View ArticleMI Crazy Or Did Jean Valblech Segura Go From Miserables To 20/30?
You literally can't find a middle infielder with less than 20 homers. You can't. Try it. See? This year there are more players with 20 homers than any other season in the history of baseball. Some...
View ArticleTop 20 Outfielders for 2016 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball. Guess what’s next! No, not pitchers. Read the title, man. In 2010, there were only 5...
View ArticleCouch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 1-6
Greetings, friends. I hopped over to the football side of things once last year's baseball season ended, but now I'm back. And apparently, I am such a disturbed individual that I am doing fantasy...
View ArticleTop 60 Outfielders for 2017 Fantasy Baseball
I've decided to do something different for this top 60 outfielders for 2017 fantasy baseball. Instead of listing the players' names, I'm going to list their favorite cheese course: Muenster, Cheddar,...
View ArticleCouch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 13-18
Here we are, the third of four posts about the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft. Previously, I posted recaps of rounds 1-6 and rounds 7-12. This post is for rounds 13-18. The final post will be...
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Fantasy Environments: Sandoval, Bird, Gattis, and Votto
Greetings and welcome back to the Mike Maher Halfway House for Troubled Fantasy Baseball Owners. There will be cookies and White Russians, and they are mandatory. The season is but a few days away,...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: Crack Open A Duff For Opening Day
Holy Shizz! I can't believe Opening Day is already here, it seems like a couple weeks ago I was opening up the 2016 season with Mad Max. I hope you all had a great off season, but now it's time to...
View ArticleSale Gives Jays The Filene’s Basement Treatment
Yesterday (but really every time he pitches), Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA down to 0.91, and yet another no decision. Elias Sports Bureau said, "Chris Sale had his 4th start...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: Ariel, The Little Merman…MERMAN
Greetings my fellow dweebs. I know, I know, my Staind fanatics...it's been a while. You think that reference is old? I'm writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst...
View ArticleK-Slouching Tiger, Hidden Melancon
Francisco Rodriguez was removed from the closer job, because he was being sued by a dumpster fire for trademark infringement. A portion of the deposition transcript follows: "Is it true that you were...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: Scott Schebler Scalds Scrotums
Scott Schebler (41.6% owned - increase of 13.3%) is batting .248/.322/.550 on the season with nine home runs and 20 RBI in 109 at-bats. He's also sporting a 23% strikeout rate with an 8% walk rate. I...
View ArticleEverything With Trout Is “Aw Thumb”
I hope everyone's Memorial Day was filled with hot dogs, hamburgers, Coorses (Coorii?), fireworks that were meant to be saved until July 4th but were blown off yesterday so close to your ear that you...
View ArticleScooter Drives Ya, Ma, Motherf**kin’ Ha Out Of The Park
Scooter Gennett had the game of his life yesterday. Well, isn't he Vespecial? You say to me, "Unkie Grey, can I sit on your lap metaphorically and you tell me why Scooter hit so many homers?" Sure,...
View ArticleFanDuel: Severino on a Mission
Are you also old enough and/or vaguely goth enough to know “Severina” by The Mission (if you do, hit me up in the comments! 1986 represent!)? And perchance does that song also pop into your head every...
View ArticleFanDuel: California Reaming
And how did you spend your All-Star Break? Rocking and crying in a corner, like I did? Thankfully, baseball is back and my twitching has even just about subsided. Today, for our first...
View ArticleRegression Fairies Out Of Cage And Leaving Las Vargas
Hehe, I'm such a jerk. I finally dedicate a lede to Jason Vargas and it's to point out how bad he was last night -- 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.06. Well, look at it this way. If he wasn't good for...
View ArticleGray Pilots The Plane While Rockies Take Braves Pitchers To Bathroom
On the ones and twos, it's not DJ Khaled, with a cigar in his baby's mouth, dropping another one in a major key. It's yo' boy, DJ LeMahieu (4-for-5, 4 runs, 1 RBI), the French-sounding EDM mixmaster,...
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