Sale Gives Jays The Filene’s Basement Treatment
Yesterday (but really every time he pitches), Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA down to 0.91, and yet another no decision. Elias Sports Bureau said, "Chris Sale had his 4th start...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: Ariel, The Little Merman…MERMAN
Greetings my fellow dweebs. I know, I know, my Staind fanatics...it's been a while. You think that reference is old? I'm writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst...
View ArticleK-Slouching Tiger, Hidden Melancon
Francisco Rodriguez was removed from the closer job, because he was being sued by a dumpster fire for trademark infringement. A portion of the deposition transcript follows: "Is it true that you were...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: Scott Schebler Scalds Scrotums
Scott Schebler (41.6% owned - increase of 13.3%) is batting .248/.322/.550 on the season with nine home runs and 20 RBI in 109 at-bats. He's also sporting a 23% strikeout rate with an 8% walk rate. I...
View ArticleEverything With Trout Is “Aw Thumb”
I hope everyone's Memorial Day was filled with hot dogs, hamburgers, Coorses (Coorii?), fireworks that were meant to be saved until July 4th but were blown off yesterday so close to your ear that you...
View ArticleScooter Drives Ya, Ma, Motherf**kin’ Ha Out Of The Park
Scooter Gennett had the game of his life yesterday. Well, isn't he Vespecial? You say to me, "Unkie Grey, can I sit on your lap metaphorically and you tell me why Scooter hit so many homers?" Sure,...
View ArticleFanDuel: Severino on a Mission
Are you also old enough and/or vaguely goth enough to know “Severina” by The Mission (if you do, hit me up in the comments! 1986 represent!)? And perchance does that song also pop into your head every...
View ArticleFanDuel: California Reaming
And how did you spend your All-Star Break? Rocking and crying in a corner, like I did? Thankfully, baseball is back and my twitching has even just about subsided. Today, for our first...
View ArticleRegression Fairies Out Of Cage And Leaving Las Vargas
Hehe, I'm such a jerk. I finally dedicate a lede to Jason Vargas and it's to point out how bad he was last night -- 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.06. Well, look at it this way. If he wasn't good for...
View ArticleGray Pilots The Plane While Rockies Take Braves Pitchers To Bathroom
On the ones and twos, it's not DJ Khaled, with a cigar in his baby's mouth, dropping another one in a major key. It's yo' boy, DJ LeMahieu (4-for-5, 4 runs, 1 RBI), the French-sounding EDM mixmaster,...
View ArticleUnder the Greydar: A Catcher That Doesn’t Catch
Ranking catchers is dumb. There are four or so that matter and then the rest are practically the same. Seriously, there are only four catchers from last year that met the minimum plate appearances to...
View ArticleRangers Grab Some Brews, Fail To Catch Any Rays
When Jonathan Lucroy vetoed the trade to the Indians this past weekend, I thought we were going to find out Lucroy was Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy. Other teams were going to try and convert him...
View ArticleNapoli Is En Firenze
Mike Napoli hit his 27th homer yesterday. He now has five straight games with a home run. On the year, he is top 30 for fantasy value on our Player Rater. Dude is such butter right now brioche buns...
View ArticleDraftKings: Yu Want to Win, Put Darvish In
Yu Darvish likes to throw strikeouts, and I like to put him in my lineups. Darvish also likes pitching at the Rangers ballpark. When pitching at home in his career, Darvish has held hitters to a .279...
View ArticleEverything Musgrove!
Joe Musgrove shut down the mighty Toronto Blue Jays for the second time, going seven strong innings, allowing just six hits, two runs, a walk and striking out seven for his first major league win. He...
View ArticleDraftKings: Royally Screwed
As a Mariners fan, it's very rare I have much of any empathy for other teams and their fans, especially teams that just came off winning a World Series. And yet, here I am looking at the sad state of...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: A Bronx Tale
Over the past few seasons, the blueprint for the New York Yankees franchise has been a predictable one: assemble an aging, overpriced roster, finish a few games over .500, rinse, repeat. Reload rather...
View ArticleBrave Or Chicken? Swanson’s Both!
True or false: A) Dansby Swanson is famous for being Ted Knight's caddy in Caddyshack. B) Starting a meme at his frat house in Arizona where he'd put his checkered pants on a cactus with the caption,...
View ArticleDrakftKings: C-Yu-Later-Arriegator
I know the lede may scream Millennial, but I wasn’t born in the 90’s, my cursive writing is on point and I don’t wear a beanie in 95 degree weather. I never use shorthand when texting or emailing, but...
View ArticleKKKKKKKKKKKKKwik-C-Mart
To paraphrase Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, "America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, Josh Tomlin in away games, Justin Upton, Melvin Upton for the last two months, Clint Hurdle, the people...
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