The Aceful Dodgers
"Who is the Dodgers ace?" asks the Fox Sports newscaster in Los Angeles, after the special report on "Where are the stars shopping for their Emmy gowns?" and "Juicing? Is it good for you?" and "A...
View ArticleA Think Piece On Rodon
*Grey adjusts his chiseled body, places himself on a seat, props his chin up with his hand, makes sure that he's not covering his mustache.* "Welcome to today's symposium on the intersection of art,...
View ArticlePedro Alvahomer
I was able to pick up Pedro Alvarez (2-for-4, 19th homer) for the batty call yesterday, which is kinda silly since he has four homers in the last week, and now I don't see how I can drop him. Wouldn't...
View ArticleJackie Bradley Buynassis
Give me a buy, a bouncy buy! Wait, might have my Martin Short characters mixed up. *Googling* Damn, that was from his Irving Berlin. Jackie Rogers Jr. didn't have much of a catchphrase. Last...
View ArticleForget Hitting Jake, It’s Arrietatown
Maybe it's because Whip/Nae Nae is permanently stuck in my head -- One word of advice. If you take no other advice from me, please, I implore you, accept this advice. If you don't know what Whip/Nae...
View ArticleJoey Vot-Whoa
Since the All-Star break, Joey Votto is hitting .399 with a .576 OBP. His season line is 27 HRs, 70 RBIs, 81 runs, slashing .316/.457/.567. Or as Reds manager, Bryan Price, would say, "I want to sew...
View ArticleArchduke Of Strasburg Empire Takes Feet Off Ottoman
You wanna know what's on my mind? "If the Nationals wouldn't have shut down Stephen Strasburg three years ago, would they have been eliminated a day earlier this year?" No, that's not on my mind....
View ArticleHolland Run Down, Rondon Lollin’
Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, began yesterday, and Brad Ausmus, the Tigers manager who doesn't believe in a manger, started atoning for his mistakes, by sending the Tigers closer, Bruce...
View ArticleStarling Goes Hannibal On Rockies
We have one reader in Nigeria who emails me privately about how I've won large amounts of muney (sic), so I don't need to be working, which means this is more of a PSA, and should be taken even more...
View ArticleEickhoff Up Nein Runs!
Fall in line, Metropolitans! Fall in line, you strumpets! *Jerad Eickhoff goose steps up and down the starting lineup, screaming* I am going to go nutzi on these weak sister Metropolitan hitters!...
View ArticleDraftKings: Weather?!?! I Hardly Know Her!!!
Hello everyone, and welcome to the weekend! You made it! After a week of working where it seemed as if the clock was moving in hours instead of minutes, sit back, relax, and let's enjoy America's...
View ArticleDraftKings: I Was Throwing In The Six With My Woes
So J.A. Happ was almost a tourney call for me and then I looked at the Yanks so far. I looked at how their offense was rolling. I looked at how they did when everyone was healthy last year. I looked at...
View ArticleHR Called Five Times As Old Guys Harass Young
Yesterday, Chris Young went 2 2/3 IP, 5 ER as he allowed five solo home runs, which tied a franchise record, and was only the 7th starting pitcher to give up five home runs in less than three innings....
View ArticleTriplorenzo Bombas
*walks into a Moroccan marketplace* I got me some Marra-CASH to spend! Hoo-ah! Wow, I sound a little like Al Pacino in my own head. Okay, I'm going to go over to that table that is filled with...
View ArticleShowtime For Skin ‘Em Max
Owning Max Scherzer last night was like watching the Showtime classic, Emmanuelle, the erotic thriller starring Emmanuel Lewis as Webster Schlong and Alex Karras as George Papadopepuss. Through 6 IP,...
View ArticleDraftKings: #Barves New World
I remember a time not long ago. A time when the #Barves were the Braves. I think said time predates the hashtag phenomenon which makes it, like, sooooo old. Before Fredi got Fired and even more...
View ArticleThe Dark Knightmare
Yesterday, Matt Harvey (5 IP, 5 ER, ERA up to 6.08) briefly held the honor of having the worst ERA of any National League starter at 6.08, which means Harvey is the only one happy with Shelby Miller...
View ArticleDraftKings: Pitch Imperfect
First off, no, I haven't watched the movies. I'm old, that movie is for the young and I'm not as in love with Anna Kendrick as you. I mean, I don't hate her? I'd hang with her? She seems fun at...
View ArticleDraftKings: Charged with a Serious Offense
Hello everyone, and welcome to Sunday! Well, for the first time this year that I've covered Sundays, today we have a (somewhat) small 9-game Main Slate on our hands, but with the lack on 12+ games...
View ArticleDraftKings: Nate Dogg and Tanner Roark Bout’ To Regulate
Regulators Mount Up! Or if you're recovering from last two nights like I am, grab a Gatorade, a couple Tylenol, finish watching the second season of Bloodline and post all the spoilers so Grey flips...
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