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To paraphrase Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, "America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, Josh Tomlin in away games, Justin Upton, Melvin Upton for the last two months, Clint Hurdle, the people...
View ArticleDraftKings: Dr. Drew Is Coming Back To Cali To Carve Up The Padres
Happy Labor Day DKer's! Hopefully most of you got to sleep in today and if you didn't you should have, because I'll only be featuring the late games due to scheduling conflicts. The Early Bird usually...
View ArticleDraftKings: The Full Montgomery
Before Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL - and before you ask, yes there was such a time...and why do you demarcate things around such a movie? God, you're weird - there was The Full Monty. The Full Monty...
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DraftKings: Say B@#$% Be Kuhl!
Is there anything cooler than Samuel L. Jackson cursing? I mean seriously, I think even my Grandma would remark 'he's so sweet' after watching this MF'ing montage (ummm, and I shouldn't have to say...
View ArticleMI Crazy Or Did Jean Valblech Segura Go From Miserables To 20/30?
You literally can't find a middle infielder with less than 20 homers. You can't. Try it. See? This year there are more players with 20 homers than any other season in the history of baseball. Some...
View ArticleTop 20 Outfielders for 2016 Fantasy Baseball, A Recap
Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball. Guess what’s next! No, not pitchers. Read the title, man. In 2010, there were only 5...
View ArticleCouch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 1-6
Greetings, friends. I hopped over to the football side of things once last year's baseball season ended, but now I'm back. And apparently, I am such a disturbed individual that I am doing fantasy...
View ArticleTop 60 Outfielders for 2017 Fantasy Baseball
I've decided to do something different for this top 60 outfielders for 2017 fantasy baseball. Instead of listing the players' names, I'm going to list their favorite cheese course: Muenster, Cheddar,...
View ArticleCouch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft Recap, Rounds 13-18
Here we are, the third of four posts about the Couch Managers 2017 Industry Mock Draft. Previously, I posted recaps of rounds 1-6 and rounds 7-12. This post is for rounds 13-18. The final post will be...
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Fantasy Environments: Sandoval, Bird, Gattis, and Votto
Greetings and welcome back to the Mike Maher Halfway House for Troubled Fantasy Baseball Owners. There will be cookies and White Russians, and they are mandatory. The season is but a few days away,...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: Crack Open A Duff For Opening Day
Holy Shizz! I can't believe Opening Day is already here, it seems like a couple weeks ago I was opening up the 2016 season with Mad Max. I hope you all had a great off season, but now it's time to...
View ArticleSale Gives Jays The Filene’s Basement Treatment
Yesterday (but really every time he pitches), Chris Sale went 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA down to 0.91, and yet another no decision. Elias Sports Bureau said, "Chris Sale had his 4th start...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: Ariel, The Little Merman…MERMAN
Greetings my fellow dweebs. I know, I know, my Staind fanatics...it's been a while. You think that reference is old? I'm writing up Ariel Miranda with a nod to a 1989 Disney cartoon whilst...
View ArticleK-Slouching Tiger, Hidden Melancon
Francisco Rodriguez was removed from the closer job, because he was being sued by a dumpster fire for trademark infringement. A portion of the deposition transcript follows: "Is it true that you were...
View ArticleOne Man’s Trash: Scott Schebler Scalds Scrotums
Scott Schebler (41.6% owned - increase of 13.3%) is batting .248/.322/.550 on the season with nine home runs and 20 RBI in 109 at-bats. He's also sporting a 23% strikeout rate with an 8% walk rate. I...
View ArticleEverything With Trout Is “Aw Thumb”
I hope everyone's Memorial Day was filled with hot dogs, hamburgers, Coorses (Coorii?), fireworks that were meant to be saved until July 4th but were blown off yesterday so close to your ear that you...
View ArticleScooter Drives Ya, Ma, Motherf**kin’ Ha Out Of The Park
Scooter Gennett had the game of his life yesterday. Well, isn't he Vespecial? You say to me, "Unkie Grey, can I sit on your lap metaphorically and you tell me why Scooter hit so many homers?" Sure,...
View ArticleFanDuel: Severino on a Mission
Are you also old enough and/or vaguely goth enough to know “Severina” by The Mission (if you do, hit me up in the comments! 1986 represent!)? And perchance does that song also pop into your head every...
View ArticleFanDuel: California Reaming
And how did you spend your All-Star Break? Rocking and crying in a corner, like I did? Thankfully, baseball is back and my twitching has even just about subsided. Today, for our first...
View ArticleRegression Fairies Out Of Cage And Leaving Las Vargas
Hehe, I'm such a jerk. I finally dedicate a lede to Jason Vargas and it's to point out how bad he was last night -- 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.06. Well, look at it this way. If he wasn't good for...
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